Healing is a Process
by saxygal
Summary: Healing. It's not something you can rush. Instead, it's something that one must do at their own pace, going day by day, one step at a time.


The night was clear, the air crisp. If he had decided to look up, he would have been able to see the stars perfectly, not blocked by clouds or the light of the moon. Of course, the absence of the moon was why he was here. It was why he was staring at the woman who was standing on the edge of the pristine, white cliff overlooking the sea.

"Kagome," he said, breaking the silence. She turned her head slightly and nodded, acknowledging his presence before turning back to look at the sea. He watched as the wind blew her raven hair gently. He smiled softly, something that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else since it was so small. Even now, after being mated to her for over a nearly a century and a half, her beauty struck him anew every time.

The girl sank to the ground, falling to her knees and causing a small cloud of dust to stir around her. As it settled, he began to hear her choked sobs and smell the salt water that he knew would pour from her eyes at any moment. For anyone else, the sound of her sorrow would not have been heard; the smell of the tears that would soak the ground and leave stains on her cheeks would have never been noticed. But not for him; even if he was miles away, he would have known that her strong heart was breaking like fragile glass would if it was dropped.

Slowly, he walked up and knelt beside her. He placed a clawed hand on her shaking shoulders. She didn't look up at him. Her head was bowed, her teeth clenched, and her tears fell quickly. Her right hand was lying on a century old stone and her left hand was clutching an old, worn rosary to her chest. He slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his chest. She leaned into his embrace, her left arm wrapping around his waist while still holding the beads.

"Kagome, why do you insist on torturing yourself like this?" he asked. She sat up and glared at him.

"What do you mean "torturing myself"? I am doing no such thing," she spat at him, before turning back to gaze at the stone.

"You know perfectly well what I am referring to," he said. "Every year for the past century, you have come to this exact spot on this day, the fifth moonless night of the year. I understood it for the first decade, but now is the time to move on and let your heart heal."

"I never expected you to understand, Sesshomaru," she said quietly. "Why would you, the emotionless Killing Perfection, feel the need to mourn the death of the one you despised?"

"You know how I feel about emotions," he stated, his gaze never leaving her figure, though she refused to look at him. "And you also know that I did mourn for him, in the beginning. But I moved on; let myself focus on our lands, on our pups, on you."

"And you are accusing me of not doing the same thing?" Kagome asked. She held her gaze on the gravestone a moment longer before turning to face him. She crossed her arms over her chest; her chocolate, tear-filled eyes stared into his gold ones.

Sesshomaru nodded curtly. "I believe that you have not. I will say that act like yourself the majority of the time, but not tonight, nor on any other moonless night. He played games with your heart, Kagome. When will you realize that and move on with your life?"

She scoffed and turned away from him. "I know what he did. Still, even with all the heartache he caused, I still cared deeply for Inuyasha. Even after I fell in love and mated with you, he was still my closest friend. He never hated me for my decision."

"But still you mourn him a century after his death." It wasn't a question and he hadn't meant it as one.

Kagome turned back to him, glaring. "Yes I do. Do you know why I do?" she asked. She didn't let him answer. "It's because I miss him and I blame myself for his death!"

He flinched at her shout. She blamed herself? So that is what caused her pure heart and soul to mourn his half-brother after a century. "Why do you blame yourself? His death was his-"

"Don't you even say that it was his fault! Yes, he was brash and stupid at times, but what happened wasn't his doing!" The tears were falling down her face again as she yelled at him. "It's not his fault that the village was attacked by a demon on that night! It's not his fault that they choose to attack on his weak night! And it was my fault for getting sick a week before so that I couldn't sense the demonic auras and go to his aid!" She panted as she finished her rant.

He let his gaze soften. He had never known that she had felt that way. He went up and pulled her into his arms, burying his nose in her hair. "Kagome," he said softly. "Why did you never tell me? There was never a need for you to blame yourself. It was never your fault. It was in the fates' design."

She sighed. "I know, but you know how I am."

He nodded. "Yes, I do know how you are. But you wouldn't be out here mourning him still if you had told me sooner. It would have taken quite a bit of weight off of your shoulders."

Suddenly she pushed him away. She stepped back, glaring at him. "Down boy," she snarled quietly. His face fell to the ground due to the spell of the black beads she had placed on him while he slept one night decades ago.

He had barely lifted his face when she spoke. "Maybe it would have helped to have spoken about my guilt before tonight," she said as she stared down at him. "But I know for a fact that I would still be mourning him to this day. Healing is a process Sesshomaru. It's something that I have to take day by day, one step at a time."

He managed to push himself up in time to watch her mount Ah-Un. As she flew back in the direction of their home, her words lingered in his mind. _"Healing is a process Sesshomaru. It's something that I have to take day by day, one step at a time."_ Maybe she was right. And maybe, just maybe, her words made him realize that he had never let himself fully recover from all the strife his life had thrown at him. But then, maybe his steps on the road to recovery were bigger than hers. Either way, Kagome was going down that road at her own pace, and she needed him beside her as she walked. And that's where he would be. Always.


End file.
